O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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