I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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