apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
