Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
