I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
