remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
