Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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