i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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