He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How does it feel to date your dad?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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