perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
