So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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