I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
