i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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