part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
