Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
