States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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