I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
