my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
