The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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