she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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