I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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