If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
