You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
