haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
