So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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