I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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