He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
