Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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