I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
