Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
