I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
