Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
