can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
