I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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