respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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