ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
