Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
