my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
