Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
