my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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