Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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