she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
