I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
