What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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