i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
