Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
