Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
