My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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