dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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