He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
