The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
