The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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